Als Atheist Beten

Folgendes Gedankenspiel:

Ein Freund glaubt an Gott und betet. Er bittet mich, auch zu Gott zu beten. Ich glaube nicht an Gott, ich habe keinen Gott. Kann ich zu dem Gott meines Freundes beten? Kann ich meinem Freund sagen, dass ich zu seinem Gott gebeten habe, ohne selber an Gott zu glauben?

TIGETU

Sanft besetzen die Nebelschwaden,
sie kriechen einfach um die Waden,
den See, in dem wir heimlich baden.

Ich stehe am Strand und sehe zu,
es ließe mir einfach keine Ruh’,
dich zurückzulassen, ganz im Nu.

Jetzt bist du fort, ich sehe dich nicht,
es fehlt mir einfach das kleinste Licht,
und ich weiß nicht, ob ich das rich

tigetu.

wo bist du?

Ich liege im Bett und weine,
denn Aussicht habe ich keine.
Wohin ich meine Gedanken lenke,
woran auch immer ich denke,

da bist du.

gedichte

Ich kann nicht schlafen,
aber weiss, was ich jetzt machen
werde, denn das Schreiben von Gedichten
hilft mitnichten nicht nur keinen Wichten,
sondern auch mir
mit dir.

schlaflos

Wenn der mond,
greller als jede sonne,
über mir trohnt,
denk’ ich an Dich,
entgegen meiner Wonne.
Denn du liebst mich -
nicht.

her answer

„I do like you alot, honestly, you are a good friend and I will miss you alot when you leave, you seem to be the only one on this entire planet (or just the us) that is not stuck up and treat others badly becuase they are stuck up. Things have been comming up, I never lied about them, I am sorry for that, but today I want to invite you over to my house untill 7 or so. I still need to ask my father, but I will message you on myspace Im when I find out if it is ok or not.“

Sounds pretty good to me. I’m so happy right now. We couldn’t hang out that day because she was having trouble with her dad (actually, her dad was making her trouble). But we will probably go to the movies and hang out this week. I don’t know why I’m writing this; I’m usually not the kind of person that writes diary-like stuff, but it just feels so good! Every time I look into her eyes, I can feel it. I also think that she is a little shy, but that’s cool with me. I just have to make sure I never think about the day I have to leave.

talk to her

I would like to talk to her. I would say:

„Hey. I really do like you but I don’t think I can keep it up any longer. When I am with you, when I see you at school or anywhere else, I am happy and enjoy it. You also seem to like me. But then, when I asked you to hang out, something is different. We’ve had plans to hang out for three times and every time something came up. I am not sure if I can survive the disappointments any longer. You say, you don’t want to go to the movies with me, because you don’t want me to pay for you and your dad doesn’t want to give you the money? I wouldn’t let YOU pay for it! And then you make plans with other people to go to the movies… But when I see you again, you are the nicest person in the world and I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I will ask you one more time to go to the movies. I will call it a date. If you say you don’t want to go, just say it. And I am not trying to make you feel guilty. Technically, there is no way I could do that. Either you like me, than you’ll be happy that I like you as well and we can just do what we both want, or you don’t like me and you won’t care.

Maybe you are just shy and afraid of going out with me. Please don’t be. I am not able to tell the difference between being shy and not liking me. When I saw you again today, at the party, you seemed to be happy to see me.

Well, I cannot take any more disappointments and I need some input from your side. I don’t know if you noticed it but I was a little depressed the last couple days. We did not talk during these days, because I did not talk to you. That means, that you don’t talk to me either. Every time we talk, it is because I come to you and talk to you. I message you, I call you, I walk over to you. There is nothing coming from you.

Maybe you like me but you don’t want to date or do anything else than talk when we’re at the same party or in the same class. I would not like that. I only have 37 days left before I go back and I know that it will be hard for both of us and that it will be even harder if we get any closer, but you are intelligent. We can make it; you know that it will only be for 36 days.

Now I am waiting. Again, I am waiting for your response. Please say something. Even better, say the truth.“

That’s what I would say but unfortunately I can’t.

i am in love

Well, there is not a lot to say about that. I am in love. My heart actually starts beating faster when I think about her and I have to smile when I see her. I don’t even remember the last time I felt the way. It is interesting, but I am not sure if I like it. Since I know her, I have trouble sleeping. But, on the other hand, she makes me happy. And on the third hand, I know that it all has to be over in about 2 months.

i don’t know

You remember the girl I told you about? Well, I took her to Prom. I just thought it would be a nice idea and it turned out rather good. We talked and laughed a lot and we even danced. I am more a fan of slow dancing, because you can converse more. We definitely have a lot in common so there’s plenty to talk about.

I think it was a great night and I am also quite certain she had fun. Well, before yesterday we had plans on hanging out today. Yesterday she actually asked me to call her today to tell her if I could go. So I made sure I can go. Then I called her and she told me she would be hanging out with a friend.

I know that she is not going to stop hanging out with her old friends just because of me, but doing it after making plans with me? I am totally thrown up now and have no clue what to think. I am very sure she liked the evening yesterday but I must have done something wrong.

And again, I don’t know what to do.

moving to tumblr

I am going to tumblr. WordPress is just to complex for what I’m doing and I really like the way tumblr works.

You can find me there: http://methinking.tumblr.com

EDIT: I’m just moving the short quotes and stuff to tumblr. Longer texts will stay here.